So terrifying! You remember the plot of 1978 original, of course: "An aspiring writer is repeatedly gang-raped, humiliated, and left for dead by four men whom she systematically hunts down to seek revenge." Well, THIS one makes THAT one look like a day in the park, TRUST ME. This new one stars wowlebrity Daniel Franzese in the role he was BORN TO PLAY: Stanley, the depraved yokel who gets his eyeballs eaten by crows. SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! Oh yeah, it works better when you say that BEFORE you give away plot points. Oh well. Trust me, it's the coolest moment EVER CAPTURED ON FILM. Better than the Ben Hur chariot race! I'm serious! It also stars Sarah Butler as the girl who SPOILER ALERT spits on their graves (I'm thinking), and Jeff Branson who, you may recall, was so fabulous as Jonathan Lavery, the suave, mentally challenged serial killer who swept the autistic Lily off her feet on All My Children. Anyway, here is the link to a New York Post article on Danny, titled "Daniel Franzese: I'm Not Just Damian from Mean Girls" (which is funny because HE'S ALSO THE RAT IN PARTY MONSTER!) (Just kidding, Boo). And here is the official I Spit On Your Grave website that includes clips, showtimes, and local theater listings! I can't WAIT! YAY, Danny!