Posted by: James St. James contact

Great, now we have to worry about the hyperdimensional army of 'unspecified somethings'

It's always something with that Large Hydron Collider (LHC) over at the CERN laboratories outside Geneva, isn't it? Remember when we were THISCLOSE to being swallowed by a black hole last year? And how scientists later theorized that perhaps the machine was sabotaging itself FROM THE FUTURE, by going back in time and making sure that it never worked properly? Now scientists are worried about the Collider opening a door to "an extra dimension," and that "out of this door might come something." What kind of something, you ask? Well, it could be some sort of "unknown unknown" says Sergio Bertolucci, the Director for Research and Scientific Computing at CERN. Which doesn't really clear things up, and instead only leads to paranoid speculation. The London newspaper The Register calculates all the various possibilities and decides, obviously: "We're looking here at an imminent visit from Hyperspherical juggernaut-beings, a race of carnivorous dinosaur-men, demonic soul-reapers, the superhuman clone hive-legions of some evil genetic queen-empress, infinite polypantheons of dark nega-deities imprisoned for aeons and hungering to feast upon human souls, a parallel-history victorious Nazi globo-Reich... or something of that type." SO, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. 



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